Just Joking!
by raitei
Summary: A compilation of jokes, featuring the famous Fire Emblem characters! Updated randomly. [Chapter 1: Identical Twins. What if someone mistook Ephraim for Eliwood? Dreadful.]


Notes: This fic is, as the summary says, mainly just a compilation of jokes that I throw various Fire Emblem characters in. Some of theoriginal jokes are not mine, and so I will give credit to the creator of the real thing. Just to humour those who read this, and hope you find it funny!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Fire Emblem characters. Credit for the plot goes totally to someone unknown who submitted the original version of the joke in on 2-9-2000. I'm just bringing both of them together while changing some parts, so to speak.

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Just Joking!

_Chapter 1: Identical Twins_

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_Prologue - Introduction _

Once upon a time, there was a quaint little village located near the seaside of Maglibe.

Nobody really remembers the name of the village, but a few from the old generation thought that it was named Kiwiwi Village.

You see, two low-class punks had dared to try to throw the world of Maglibe into chaos (their names were highly concealed for further reference). And the heroes who rose to fight against them used pure kiwi juice to defeat them in the same place where the village was built. Thus, the village was named Kiwiwi Village.

In Kiwiwi Village, everyone lived in harmony. But no one could beat the friendship which was forged between two young adults, namely Ephraim and Eliwood.

Ephraim was courting a 'cute-looking chick' named Tana a year ago, but when she presented him with a quaint boat for his daily fishing, Ephraim become suddenly more obsessed with the boat than his relationship with Tana. She immediately dumped him when he tried making out with the lifeless boat by undressing himself in the boat during midnight.

Meanwhile, Eliwood had a beautiful (though emotional) wife named Ninian who positively loved him to bits. They led a happy life, though they never had any children. For some reason, neither of them ever explained why.

Despite their own 'commitments', Ephraim and Eliwood were the very best of friends (and the very best of rivals when it came to sparring), and they were called 'The Identical Twins'.

Sure, they were by no way twins, but they certainly looked alike. Especially after Ephraim's hair had been dyed to a deep shade of red after his head had been accidentally pushed into a tin full of red paint.

When he finally accepted that fact, he and Eliwood had lots of fun tricking the villagers. Sometimes Ephraim would pretend to be Eliwood, and vice versa. Only Ninian could tell both apart.

And so with faces, appearances and voices alike, they were called 'The Identical Twins'.

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It was one fine morning.

"Couldn't be better for a day of fishing!" Ephraim claimed, stretching his limbs beside his boat. The long-time obsession he had over the boat no longer existed, since the colour had faded and some parts had already been broken.

"Hey, you over there!" A voice hailed. "Can you lend us your old boat for a while?"

Ephraim turned around.

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Everyone in the village was laughing.

Ninian had passed away that early morning, but no one had really liked Ninian unlike Eliwood. Being a half-dragon half-human, she kept breathing fire now and then in the village, causing clothes to burn, children to get hurt, and other casualties. She had even set a house on fire.

Luckily, it was her own house that caught fire.

Unfortunately, Eliwood was out of town on that day. He therefore gave the 'chance' to the villagers to celebrate.

And they more or less did.

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"Ah well, I guess this is goodbye to my boat. Might as well anyway. This one's getting too cranky lately. Now with the money I have, I can buy a new one!"

Ephraim cheered. Because a bunch of four people who never sat in a boat before had ended up sinking his boat, he had to spend the whole day alone at the seaside. Because of that, he missed breakfast, lunch AND dinner altogether. And he had no food left in the house.

But no matter. He had gotten some compensation money for his boat, and it was enough to buy a new, nice one just for his own use. He was thinking of selling the boat either way anyway.

His stomach grumbled like thunder.

With good spirits, he decided to go to the bakery shop nearby.

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"Mmm, this is good," Ephraim muttered, munching a pizza into his mouth. The pizzas sold like hot cakes in 'Like Me? Then Bite Me Shop'; he was even lucky to find one left.

He strolled slowly, all the time still thinking about the wrecked boat. Yeah, maybe it was a blessing in disguise to have his boat wrecked. He wouldn't need to spend his precious time looking for a rare buyer whose eyes would be blind enough to accept the boat's many disadvantages then.

Too absorbed in his thoughts, he accidentally bumped into an old woman. She fell to the floor, but was unhurt.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Ephraim apologized profusely, at the same time helping her up. "I was thinking a bit too much."

The kind old woman straightened her back with a grunt and looked at him. Mistaking him for young Eliwood who had lost his dear wife, she said, "Oh no, it's all right. I understand. It must have been a great loss to you."

Thinking that she meant his boat, he immediately replied, "Oh no, not really. As a matter of fact, I'm quite glad to have finished my hands off her. She was a good item to keep, but a few months ago she started rotting. Her bottom became so shriveled up that she was always holding water. She smelled like old rotten dead fish, really. She had a small crack in the back and a hole in the front too, but as I kept using her, her holes got bigger by the second and leaked like crazy."

As he related all this, Ephraim did not get a response. He was pleased to receive such an attentive response.

"I guess what finally finished her off was when I lent her to those four new guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she smelled horrible and that she was already leaking, but they still wanted her. So I was forced to charge them with low prices, since she was already a rotten thing. Those inexperienced people tried to get in her all in the same time. Can you believe that? She couldn't stand the pressure, and in the end, she split right up in the middle!"

The old woman got a heart attack. She fainted on the spot.

And when Eliwood came back, he was charged for breaking the law of the highest degree.

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-End

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A/N: Before I go into anything, yes, I am still alive and kicking though I do lack updates. And I WILL finish my other fics, even though I've just posted a new one. Updates on 'Just Joking!' will not be frequent unless I have no other plans on updating my other fics.

These jokes will most probably only involve characters from Fire Emblem 7 and 8, since I only play those two games. And in just in case any readers out there that are angry at how I messed up the two guys' character (especially Ephraim's), then I apologize for the OOCness of the characters.

So, was it funny enough? Any mistakes? Reviews, constructive criticism and suggestions are greatly appreciated.


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